How To Win Friends and Influence People?…..Meh!

I was in the bookstore scouring for a perfect coffee shop read from shelves to shelves. The shelf to shelf to search did give me three of my TBRs , however, I also came face to face (Toe to face, to be precise as I had dropped the book) to a book with a queer looking cover , all full with bold and highly multicolored letters. It simply said : ‘How to win friends and influence people?’ and the unfortunate people around experienced what I call my ‘As If’ moment.

This book might be pretty good, I can’t get all judgy with it but the title sure made me smirk the smirk I save for such rare occasions ( something close to Malfoy’s). Can a book really give us lessons in the basic of all human fundamentals? To be social that is to say to ‘win friends’ is the most basic and core of human nature. However it happens such that the core of human nature is often clouded with mist of ignorance and fog of materialism that such books are even given heed to. In the words of the late author Stephen Covey (Bless his soul) , these are the social bandages and such books preach what he calls ‘personality ethics’. But before personality comes character and if the character itself is flawed that is clouded by the above mentioned then no amount of social bandages can heal a person’s social life.

The legendary author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

They say if we smile, we win friends or make friends (whatever). But if that smile is fake which it ought to be if you are following the personality ethics, then such friendships wouldn’t last long as one day or the another that person is ought to discover your malicious truth.

Coming to influencing people, it all again is in the character ethics. Ideas are the currency of the 21st century and from ideas stems what we call ‘influence’. A person can never influence all the people (s)he comes across, (here influence talks about only positive) as in every group, including animals, there are rebels with ideas in a farther galaxy than that of yours. But to have a positive influence you need to be able to deliver and express your idea without being too condescending. Being a dictator kills the gist of your ideas as people will only ever see superficially and decide that you are too unworthy to ponder over. All people except the weak minded but you may not always get so lucky to have an audience made entirely of weaklings.

So winning friends (You can never ‘win’ anyone , just a phrase) and influencing people all depends on what kind of person you are. It is all in the character and then in your personality. Fabricating a personality that deviates from your basic fundamental character will only ever lead you off a cliff.

Concluding , I would like to say a few words to Dale Carnegie’s fans.51RWA6BmIWL._SX320_BO1,204,203,200_

“ I have not read the book and am completely judging the book by it’s title. Very unlikely of me to be very true. If this book is not what I took it as then please comment or message me explaining why. I would love to know. Again, no disrespect meant.”

Lizzie Life


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